Ommmm

I meditated today.

I woke up later than I wanted, as I've done since I've been home. I woke up to Althea cruising the foot of the bed, then the environs of my pillow, squeaking out a meow, annoyed that I hadn't yet fed her.

I woke up three times before then and ignored the clock. I woke up, finally, when I knew if I slept any later I wouldn't get anything done.

I woke up, and I didn't feel great, again. I woke up and I said to myself, "No. Today I am going to feel good." So, I took a shower. I scrubbed my skin and suds-ed my hair and brushed my teeth. I shaved my legs and washed my face. Then I turned the water off. I sat down. I hugged my legs, I looked at the tiles on the wall, took a deep breath and started running a bath because it still wasn't feeling right

I sat, feeling the heat of the water dance up my thighs, the steam rise up; pushed the shower curtain outside of the tub and laid back. I saw my little belly, and I said hello. I wiggled my toes, promising them a pedicure. I told each part of my body that today they would feel loved.

I had read that people who meditated for an average of 27 minutes a day were happier than people who didn't. I don't "know how to meditate." At the same time, I feel like that's like saying "I don't know how to pray." My church is wherever I am standing. And so, my temple today was our bathtub.

And so, for 27 minutes, I sat and thought of the state of the morning. The snow that had fallen. I wished good things to people having a hard time. And mostly, I thought about what I would do today and how it would be good and how I would feel and who I would talk to. There were no extravagances, no grand gestures. I said to myself, things as simple as, "Today I am going to make the bed" ... "call my Grandmother" ... "finish my sketches"... "skype with my best friend in London" ... "read two chapters"... "go to the gym" ... "not watch television until after dinner."

I brushed my hair and put lotion on, I put my contacts in and batted my eyelashes, I took a deep breath and said, "Today is going to be good."

And, miraculously, it was.